Remember that joy I was talking about six bazillion years ago when I last posted? Some of that is coming up for us. We are going to be able to adopt DJ and Lala.
Lots of things (read: paperwork, red tape, and transferring case stuff from one state to another) have to happen first but it’s a go.
Remember I said either our sad is mixed up with someone else’s happy or vice versa? This is our happy equaling someone else’s sad. It’s our joy meaning loss for others and loss for our kiddos. I don’t take the sad and the loss lightly.
In fact, that sad has kept me away from the blog for the last while. I don’t want my words to be razors for anyone.
So please, if you are a person who is sad about this outcome, do yourself a favor and stop reading because I love you and I don’t think you deserve one tiny bit more pain. But I’m going to need to celebrate a little because my happy is very happy and very happy is very good for me and mine.
Oh so selfish.
I don’t mind sharing. I think sharing is good for kids. They can’t get enough love.
But the promise of an adoption decree or two in the very near future makes me weak in the knees – makes me want to gather my kids into a big pile and chant “mine, mine, mine” whilst cackling.
I know! The cackle. It’s too much. In my defense, it’s gleeful not evil.
We have waited a very long time for this patched together life to become a real Thing. Before now, it was like a wooden marionette with a temperamental nose and a disembodied conscience. We pretended it was the same as the real thing. We faked it for the kids because fake was the only good option they had.
But guys. We are going to be a real boy!
I am at the shocked end of the single most crazy ride of my life with an undared-to-wish-for happy ending. I’m quite beside myself. quite.
To be honest, it feels less like happiness and more like the first breath after assuming you’d simply need to adjust to living with your head under water. What good luck! I’m not going to drown after all!
My husband, he is the reserved one, the one who uses phrases like, “cautiously optimistic.” I’m the full-throttle, throw myself into hope and then crash when disappointed, girl but this has taken me by surprise. It’s a hippopotamus for Christmas kind of surprise. We did not expect resolution even at this three-years-into-the-case point. So. Wow. Resolution.
Today, as I chased a two-year-old streaker through the house, begging her to allow me to wrap a diaper around her tush… Today as I dragged a three-year-old who clung to my leg to his chair, begging him to please let me finish making the dinner I knew he’d never eat… Today, I prayed a day-long thank you. And I am going to keep praying that thank you for the rest of my life.