Sometimes, I spin around in our culture and I think we are straight-up nutso. There are things I just can’t explain. Pretend you have been living in a box and came out to discover the world we live in anew. I don’t mean a literal box – I’m not talking Room here, more like this picture:
Hey, stop fixating on the box. It is not important. Also, by “world we live in,” I’m talking this 1st world America with all its quirks.
Here are some things I would not be able to explain to you if I were the first person you saw when you emerged from your box sabbatical:
The mustache thing. What? That? You’re asking why men don’t really wear mustaches on their faces but women wear them on their shirts? Why are they on coffee mugs, the theme of parties, the trendiest on-trend trend? Hey, how did you learn the phrase on-trend? Did you get Project Runway in the box? Well, it’s because they are cute. Mustaches are cute. Well, yes, I see your point that facial hair doesn’t usually make the cute category, but we’ve embraced the mustache and we’ve turned it cute. We have that kind of power now.
Justin Bieber. No. Actually. He makes sense. There’s always a teen idol that the fuddy-duddy crowd doesn’t understand. If you don’t understand, it doesn’t make him weird, it makes you part of the fuddy-duddy crowd. Welcome.
Justin’s fine. Even if my 10-year-old feels compelled to punch all Justin pictures. I can’t explain that – but I’m told a lot of 10-year-old boys have that reaction.
Chevron patterns and maxi dresses. Even better, a chevron patterned maxi dress! It’s a pattern okay – a horizontal zigzag – one we worship. We put it on walls, on our clothes, bedding, carpets, and use it as our computer backgrounds. It is ubiquitous. I think it will stay stylish forever.
The dress? I know what you are thinking, a “maxi” was a totally different thing when you went into the box. It has now come to mean a jersey knit dress, usually with straps, a gathered empire waste, and it’s floor length. All the girls love them. I think they will stay stylish forever too. Like shag carpet.
Elf on the shelf. At Christmastime, we pull out a creepy, expensive elf doll and we pose it for our kids to see in the morning. The weirder the pose, the better. You will love this. There are a million ideas online of how to pose the doll… and, what? No. It is nothing like how Marie Osmond collects creepy dolls. How long were you in that box?
Multi-tasking. You may have noticed, since I’ve been texting the whole time we’ve been talking, that nowadays, we like to do a lot of things at once and we’re really, really good at them. W.T.Heck! That guy just totally cut me off. What a jerk! Anyway, what was I saying? Oh. Let me just take this call, it’s really important. Hey, could you turn up the radio? It’s my favorite Bieber song.