small life

My expansive, pushed to the limits life is about to contract.  Not today.  But soon.  In exactly 7 weeks.

Because in 7 weeks, I finish graduate school and in 7 weeks I’ll be walking away from a job I love.  It all seems very counter-intuitive.  Why, when I am just getting the very degree that will launch me into career awesomeness, am I turning my back on said career?

There’s really only one reason and he has big, brown, melty eyes.    There is also a chance of something on the horizon that is too big to hope for and only happens if lots of things go wrong for people I care about, but there is a chance – the chance of a baby girl coming.

Flatteringly, when I tried to quit my job, there was a great deal of weeping and wailing and a considerable amount of scrambling.  One particular boss of mine, in between saying, “please wait until June” and, “no, no, no!” crafted a whole new job for me.  Which means I still get to help children in foster care succeed in school by overseeing a statewide educational mentoring program.  And I get to do all of this from home for yep a bunch of money.  And the number of hours I’ll work?  Well, let’s just say, it’s so minimal, it almost gives a whole new meaning to “part-time.”

I have systematically built this expansive life of mine, one, “yes. I will.” after another and it feels weird to walk into a “no, thank you.”  But I’m doing it.  What’s more, I’m looking forward to it, longing for it.

Last week, I read a post from my favorite blogger – the blogger I’d like to be when I grow up.  Her whole blog is sighing-ly good. But  this is a must-read.  It’s made me think of the appeal of a small life and how thrilled I am to be getting one.  I will probably miss the bigness but I can’t imagine that right now.  She was lamenting the small a bit because she seems on the cusp of very big.  Maybe in 10 weeks, I’ll be lamenting the small too.  I can’t wait to see.

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