My expansive, pushed to the limits life is about to contract. Not today. But soon. In exactly 7 weeks.
Because in 7 weeks, I finish graduate school and in 7 weeks I’ll be walking away from a job I love. It all seems very counter-intuitive. Why, when I am just getting the very degree that will launch me into career awesomeness, am I turning my back on said career?
There’s really only one reason and he has big, brown, melty eyes. There is also a chance of something on the horizon that is too big to hope for and only happens if lots of things go wrong for people I care about, but there is a chance – the chance of a baby girl coming.
Flatteringly, when I tried to quit my job, there was a great deal of weeping and wailing and a considerable amount of scrambling. One particular boss of mine, in between saying, “please wait until June” and, “no, no, no!” crafted a whole new job for me. Which means I still get to help children in foster care succeed in school by overseeing a statewide educational mentoring program. And I get to do all of this from home for yep a bunch of money. And the number of hours I’ll work? Well, let’s just say, it’s so minimal, it almost gives a whole new meaning to “part-time.”
I have systematically built this expansive life of mine, one, “yes. I will.” after another and it feels weird to walk into a “no, thank you.” But I’m doing it. What’s more, I’m looking forward to it, longing for it.
Last week, I read a post from my favorite blogger – the blogger I’d like to be when I grow up. Her whole blog is sighing-ly good. But this is a must-read. It’s made me think of the appeal of a small life and how thrilled I am to be getting one. I will probably miss the bigness but I can’t imagine that right now. She was lamenting the small a bit because she seems on the cusp of very big. Maybe in 10 weeks, I’ll be lamenting the small too. I can’t wait to see.
open book open heart 